The light bulb must want to change.

Andy is a nail biter.

Friends and family have encouraged Andy to stop biting his nails, as they saw it as a bad habit. However, Andy is perfectly happy just the way he is. At a session with me, he even joked that because of the habit, he does not need to spend money buying nails clippers. “See, my nails are all straight, aren’t they?” He happily added.

Andy bites his nails when he is bored. He bites his nails when he is nervous. He bites his nails when he is thinking. He bites his nails, all the time. And precisely because Andy derives pleasure from nail biting, he sees no conscious need for change.

Would you be keen to know, as a coach, how I helped Andy rid himself of this perceived “bad” habit? How I would facilitate this change?

And the answer is…

I don’t.

One of my principles is to work only with people who want change, perhaps an improvement in their lives, or a desired outcome. Therefore, commitment is a must, before I take anyone on as client.

Essentially, all desired change must come from within, it must be self initiated. Only then can I assume my role as a catalyst for change to facilitate the desired outcome.

I have found that, oftentimes, people know exactly what they DO NOT want rather than what they DO want. In NLP, 1 of the 4 pillars is the concept of having a Well Formed Outcome (WFO). The rules and guidelines behind how a WFO is created, forms the basis of my preferred way of challenging my clients, and facilitating their journey towards their desired goals and outcomes.

As the acronym WFO suggests, an outcome must be clear and precise in order that goal achievement is possible.

What are some of your goals and outcomes? How would they stand when challenged by the rules of a WFO? And most importantly, would you like to create WFOs that would work for you?

- edited by Jan

Share Your Thoughts!