The Give Of Love

Posted: 18 Mar 2013 | Relationship, Coaching, Motivation, Five Love Languages, Giving


In all relationships, there will always be give and take. Perhaps your mind immediately thinks of love relationships between husband and wife, intimate lovers and dating couples. I believe that relationships go far beyond just these, any engagement between two persons is essentially a relationship. So between siblings, friends, business contacts and even people you have met for the very first time. From that viewpoint, everyone is in a relationship in some form.

In this article, I would like to explore the “give” part of the adage, give and take.

Gary Chapman, in his book “5 love languages” simplified the many ways of gifting to five - words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time and physical touch. 

One of the simplest ways to give something in a relationship is through positive affirmations. A genuine phrase does wonders for any relationship be it between manager and subordinate, parent and child or even words between strangers. A positive affirmation is a gift that says: I have seen you, heard and understood you, and I applaud you for what you have done. I stand besides you in witness.

Although words make up only 5% of our communication, if you are highly auditory, words have a strong impact on your thoughts and feelings.

Physical touch may be something that is often restricted to lovers, but touch could be gestures as basic as a strong firm handshake, a warm hug or a pat on the back.

Quality time is another way to build a relationship. And quality time is not defined by duration, it is defined by how much you are mentally and emotionally with a person at any given time. We have all seen people who may be physically with each other, but mentally and emotional far away on facebook, whatsapp, phone, emails or just in their own thoughts or feelings.

Try this experiment: Sit with someone you care for, friend or family, just enjoying being in the same space. Notice what it feels like when the person says nothing yet is fully present in your space with you.

You will quickly realize that a large part of quality time is non-verbal and may not even require shared activities or events.

Gifts, as the word implies, is giving a present or gift to someone.  A gift is a gift only when it is a desired gift.  So the next time you buy a gift, the best way to ensure a warm reception to the gift, is to spend some effort in discovering what really is a desired present. Wanting to give is sometimes not an act of service, it is a desire to get something back. A true gift is an act of service to the other without need to gain from the exchange.

We have quickly gone through the 5 love languages in a quick summary. If you are interested to understand your own preferences, you can take a test from to find out your preferred "love language".

If you would like to define concrete plans that will impact your life and those of your loved ones, reach out to us at Every life change start with a strong intention, today’s a good day to start as any, wouldn't you agree?


- edited by Jan

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